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So... I'm still alive. Or something.

box of rassilon
Yeah. 

The last year or so has been really rough with some mental health things. If you've been following the drama on tumblr, you know about it, but... well, the last year and some-odd-months have been horrible with depression. It got really epic in February and I had some other problems too. Ended up with a diagnosis of something else as well that I've been trying to deal with. 

Found out some of my friends were really awesome people who really care about me. I know some others couldn't put up with me when things got rough. It's ok. I know we all have our own shit to deal with. But... it was instructional. 

The last round of depression meds seems to be working pretty well. Which is good, I was really really about to give up on meds all together. We haven't quite got the anxiety thing under control, but it's better lately. I still keep having panic attacks from the weirdest shit. Including episodes of Doctor Who that I am way too excited about in a happy GOOD way. I can't spend too much time in Walmart without panicking, and loads of other places/things. But babysteps. 

So... now I'm just kind of trying to put the pieces of my life back together in some reasonable order. 

I know I've neglected LiveJournal, and I'm not sure I'm going to go back to it full-time. Not some big... "omg I have moved on..." Just... when I was going through a lot of this, I stopped looking at my f-list, and communities and such. To the point it has been almost two years since I've actually participated in anything here. So, I'll probably post the occasional bit of fic, some announcements or whatever. I don't know. We'll haveta see how it evolves. 

Also, I was getting tons of spam that was just raising my stress levels. So... that's why you haveta have an account to comment, and there's capsha on the site now (I hate it, I know you do, but... sorry) for those who aren't f-listed. Tired of getting the spam e-mails. 

Uh... that's about all I can think of, really. 

Comments

( 9 comments — Leave a comment )
tempertemper
Oct. 3rd, 2012 11:09 am (UTC)
Sorry times have been tough, my dear. My husband has been struggling with his anxiety in bouts of bad to good over the last year too, so I know of where you speak.

I too have been quiet here - I find myself mostly posting on the communities I am involved with and neglecting my LJ. Happy to read anything you feel able to post.

Hope the meds continue to fit ♥
scarfman
Oct. 3rd, 2012 11:43 am (UTC)

I'm glad you're feeling better. I'll look forward to whatever fic you may produce. But don't knock yourself out.

kimuro
Oct. 3rd, 2012 11:46 am (UTC)
I'm sorry that you've been having so much trouble in your life and am very glad that things are improving. It's makes me happy to see another post from you, you have been missed.
dragonbat2006
Oct. 3rd, 2012 03:14 pm (UTC)
Glad to hear you're doing better. I'm not on Tumblr, so had no clue. You've got me on IM if it ever seems like it's easier to vent to someone who's a bit removed.
britgeekgrrl
Oct. 3rd, 2012 04:32 pm (UTC)
I'm afraid I haven't kept up on your Tumblr and so I'm unaware of the shitty time you've had of late. But I'm glad things are slowly getting better. Take care of yourself, luv!
richlayers
Oct. 3rd, 2012 04:33 pm (UTC)
I'm sorry you've been going through all that. I hope you know I'm here if you ever need anything. I miss you!
ciel42
Oct. 3rd, 2012 07:23 pm (UTC)
Sorry about that, I know how confusing mental health issues can be. I also sympathise fully with the panic attacks at Walmart - I used to have them every time I was in a place with neon lighting, for some reason...

I just want to tell you : it does get better. I was in a deep, dark place for a long while but I am back in the light. I've even been able to get off the meds. So take care of yourself, get as much rest as you can manage and know that you are loved. One day you'll see the sun again!
np_complete
Oct. 3rd, 2012 09:54 pm (UTC)
I'm glad to see you again. I didn't know you were on Tumblr! I'm sorry to hear what a bad time you've had of it, but so glad to hear that things are getting better. Or some things, anyway.

I would echo what ciel42 said: it can take a long time (I won't even tell you how long it was for me) but things can get better. I found a med combo that worked after years of trying. And though I still fear relapse, on a good day I know that life is much, much, MUCH better than it used to be.

I always thought you were awesome, and I still think that.
fishface44
Oct. 4th, 2012 03:05 am (UTC)
So sorry about your rough year. *hugs* I finally did sign up for tumblr (just last week, actually) but I have no idea at all how to find anyone there. You have definitely been missed here on LJ!
( 9 comments — Leave a comment )