WHY is most of the content on this blog locked?

There is a locked post with this same date-stamp that explains why everything is locked. 

In the meantime, enjoy some chubby Babiez. Torchwood Babiez.

And if you like that, pick up a copy of Chicks Dig Time Lords ;)

If there are any fics that I did not unlock (I THINK I got them all), please reply to this post and I will unlock them. Otherwise, just friend me and I'll friend you back and you'll be able to see them.

Gally and other things. Jim, the rumor mill, etc.

So, I won't be going to Gally this year for a handful of reasons. Last year was very stressful, crowd level wise. While the panic attacks have gotten better,  still feel like I am going to die at least once a day. Which, y'know, is exciting. There was also the cost. During that brief window when they were actually on sale, I was quite poor. Airfair would have been a whole other can of worms. But I did want to go. I miss my friends. It seems like I only see them once a year. I don't have a budding local social life. Every time I go out into public with friends, and friends of friends, I am clutching the arm of the chair the whole time like I am in the car with a crazy driver.

On to other things.

I know a lot of rumors have gone around about Jim at Gally last year. The con started with him saying something inappropriate to a minor, then later having an altercation with said minor and ultimately being banned from the con.  I don't know how to address this rather than chronologically, I suppose. None of this is an excuse. Just an explanation, and my view on the matter.

Jim has a panic disorder, general anxiety disorder, ADHD and some other things that were not diagnosed until after Gally last year. Well, the ADHD we knew about. Basically, he's neuro-atypical (and I were later diagnosed with Aspergers as well, as someone with the diagnosis myself). Basically, Gally last year was super hard on both of us.

I think it was Thursday night at the con we were talking in a gossip circle with friends, many we knew from the autograph line. The thing you need to know about Jim, and I don't know if this is the ADHD, or the undiagnosed Aspergers (seriously--when I'm done with this round of medial douchery with myself  I'm going to get him on the list to be tested) but Jim has a long and storied history of trying to say something clever, then mincing his words. It comes out completely wrong.

I even recall on that night in particular, him trying to say to a friend's daughter "my you have grown and are now a young lady," since we've known her since she was much more of a sprog. And he said something to the effect of asking her when she was turning 18, and I was like... what the actual fuck. Jim, stop talking now. and then as is the pattern with him, he dug himself deeper by trying to "save" himself. I hoped desperately that since these friends had known him a long time, and knew he was a big teddy bear, that they'd forgive it. And they  may have. If not for future events.

Friday was a rough day for both of us. I didn't actually go downstairs the whole con cos of people volume. So unless I was on a panel I was in the lobby or in the room, falling apart.

Jim worked autographs. I think a lot of folks know that. He did it for several years in a row. I don't remember how many. And last year Ben Browder was there. Ben Browder has been Jim's personal hero for ages. I have been pretty sure for about ten years that if Jim were to have one, Ben Browder would be his gay thing. Anyways, there were some confusions with the autographs set up (you will see a different setup this year because of this) and he was yelled at for an hour straight by Ben Browder's agent.

He came back to the room pretty screwed up. Anxiety-ridden, having a panic attack and not sure he was able to keep doing autographs the next day. Anne was kind enough to put him over with the signings that were happening in the hall. There wasn't much to do but make sure people had pens and entertainment when it got slow. But by late Saturday morning I was having my own issues where I basically shut down for hours, and wouldn't come out of it/wake up until lobbycon was breaking up. I mean, it was tragic and bad. and we were already talking about maybe not coming back next year.

Saturday evening he had some booze and retired to the room a hot mess. There was crying. I know at some point he was in the hot tub. I was there for a bit myself. The thing about Jim is that he does offer back massages in the hot tub. I'm usually there most of the time, and to the best of my knowledge he has never touched anyone in the hot tub without asking, and they've all been adults. I personally don't give a crap as long as he follows the rules of consent. But I know there are rumors going around that he was molesting people or touching them inappropriately in the hot tub. To the best of my knowledge this did not happen.

Sunday by the end of the day he was even MORE of a hot fucking mess. His heart was racing and he felt like he was dying. Now I knew exactly what that was--a panic attack. I have had at least one a day since I was four years old. They're hell. I don't wish them on anyone. So, I made a mistake. I gave him half of one of my xanax.

By reports, he was acting super-jovial in the pool. Then at some point they were standing around talking. I think he meant to try and somehow "fix" the first night's super-creepy blunder by joking some more with the minor in question.

I wasn't around, so I only know what I have heard from multiple sources, and not all the stories line up. So all I know is what I know from them, and what I know from what he said, and what I know about having known him intimately since September of 2001.

At some point in the 'joking around' he picked the girl up to pretend (or really, i'm not sure) throw her in the pool. Unintentionally he made contact with a part of her body he never should have made contact with.

My thoughts:
1) You should never touch anyone who doesn't want to be touched. Permission, permission permission.
2) This goes a thousand times more for minors and women. So fucking much.
3) Not near a fucking swimming pool. I'm terrified of being thrown into water, or even someone just saying they'll push me in. *I* would have freaked out.
4) Seriously, dude, what the fuck were you thinking?
5) No, really. Could you fuck this up any more?

He and I have subsequently discussed this in great detail. He feels awful. He has felt awful since it happened, and I doubt it will let up any time soon. He knows exactly all the ways it was wrong. While it doesn't take away or fix what happened, the contact he made was entirely unintentional.

He has thrown his goddaughter (just turned six) into the pool hundreds of times, but she's a water baby, and he knows it's ok. the same with her 12 yr old cousin. Our 13 and 14 yr old nieces stay over every other weekend to visit with our internet connection (and maybe us, I don't know) and even when he and his sister were having a huge, long row about her insulting my life choices and my weight, she still trusted him with the girls. No one in our lives has ever questioned his ability to be around children because nothing like this has happened before.

I was, and am, concerned for the girl in question. She didn't ask for this. She didn't ask for my husband to have impaired judgement thanks to me, on top of his already disconnected brain/mouth filter. She didn't ask for any of it, and i do hope she's OK.

Later on the police showed up and talked to him in the room. I was there for that part. He was mortified. Not only for himself, but the harm he had caused. The police took his statement and said they weren't going to pursue it further unless the family wished to. We did not hear anything further. I have no malice on the part of whoever called the police. That has to happen when something like that happens. There's so much horrible stuff that goes on to women at cons that I'm glad they took it seriously. Even though my husband was on the receiving end of the police investigation.

And yes, he was pulled from con staff (surprise!) and banned from the con (surprise!) I e-mailed back and forth with Robbie about it, and I understand why they did what they did. I don't have any malace toward Robbie or the con for that either. Even if it was obvious that it was a whole misunderstanding and epic mess, they still have to do what they have to do. I can't just talk a good game about how harshly harassment and assault should be handled at cons and then complain they acted too harshly because it was my husband.

I know it has put me in an untennible position. Even before the mass exodus of people from my facebook happened the following day I knew this. I can't support what he did. I don't. But he IS my husband. And I know the side of him the world doesn't get to see because they only see him once a year. I am fortunate that several of the guests who have known Jim for a long time have stuck by us and have continued describing Jim as "a big teddybear."

I know other people have other perspectives on what happened. I can only give mine. I can only say that we are both genuinely concerned for the girl and her family and lasting effects of the situation. I spoke to Robbie about being able to do something to improve the situation. She said that she does believe in restorative justice, and at some point, when the time is right, I hope that we're able to work toward that. I'm not sure at what point that will be, and I may discuss it again with Robbie after the dust dies down from this con.

But I haven't said anything for a year about this, and I maybe should have done so earlier. But it's a hard thing to write a post about how 'my husband is an idiot who did a wildly inappropriate thing, but no malace was intended, he has super-poor judgement sometimes, and I further inhibited it by trying to help him with xanax.' Where do you even begin with that?

But I figured I ought to write something now, because I know the rumor mill will be going in full force at Gally this year. The rumor mill was going before we even left for the airport the next day. I don't know if this will help any. It breaks my heart that his reputation is ruined, but what is done cannot be undone, especially for the girl in question. I wish other people knew him the way I did. And I'm sure that's what a lot of defensive spouses say. Nothing I can do about sounding like one of those, either.

I've had a lot of issues with people running me into the ground over his behavior. I suppose it's underandable. But it still hurts. I'm a human being and while I can look at it objectively, it still hurts. I've had people be dishonest about why they were cutting me out of their life. Dishonesty hurts me more than the truth.

And honestly, I wish I were going this year if only to set the record straight. And because *I* did nothing wrong and I have been treated like I have the plague for the last year, rightly or wrongly. And the handful of people who have really hurt me, maliciously hurt me, I'd like to just look them in the eye and ask them to tell the truth to my face.Unlikely to happen, but I can wish.

I'm sure I'll get blasted for making this all about me, or defending him (like I said, untennibal position)... or justifying him. I hope I'm just explaining. He's been in therapy since then. He's on multiple meds for anxiety and ADD now. He has a job thats less stressful. He's gone from a judge asking if he wanted a recommendation for law school to doggie daycare. But I don't care, cos he's happier and calmer.

And as I have said several times, my heart goes out, and my concern goes out for the girl. if the family allows, I do hope someone will tell me how she's doing,. But I don't want to push any buttons or triggers, or upset anyone by asking information that I am technically not entitled to. I'm only asking cos I do care. I have known her and her family for quite some time.

I have no say in what people say about me behind my back. But I hate lying and trying to soften blows. If you so feel compelled, say it to my face. I will respect you more. This is, in part, because I am not good at subtext (autism) and i can't tell what people really mean. I can't tell when someone is being two-faced. So if you'd say it at the con, be sure you can say it to my face. That isn't a challenge. Just a request for that kind of respect.

I don't know if you've made it to the end of this super-long statement. If you did kudos, I suppose. I wish I had something better to say, I guess. But All I have is what I have. I'm going to miss my friends this weekend. I'm going to really miss seeing mrtonylee since that is the last time he'll be at an American con for ages. I am glad we got to hang out at CT. I'm sorry I will miss Clare and others. And it pains me to know what is going to be said about me and about him behind my back without me there to at least know what's being said, much less set records straight. It'll probably be an entire weekend of terrible anxiety for me, but nothing to be done for that.

I still don't know what's been said in the past year. I know some people have a vendetta and may have... misrepresented the truth. And I know some people are more dramatic than others. But whats the point of a rumor mill if the rumors can't get out of control, and my husband be represented as a ten foot tall green eyed monster. All I can say is some of our friends have stood by us. The mutual friends... not so much. Which may tell me where I stood to begin with. I wish there'd been some way to settle this or sort out the confusion or make amends (in some small fashion) sooner,  but there hasn't been.

Comments are open, so let the flaming begin.

Hey, kids, wanna submit to a Sherlock Holmes media book?? Yes. You do.

Investigating Sherlock Holmes Vol 1: The Modern Era, Ed. Tammy Garrison and Melissa Beattie

(Covers 2000-Present)

Investigating Sherlock Holmes Vol 2: Ed. Tammy Garrison and Tara O’Shea

(Covers 1900-1999)

Our Philosophy:

Every era and generation puts its spin on the Sherlock Holmes mythos: its own interpretation of the Arthur Conan Doyle canon via movies and television adaptations. Why do we do this? What innate drive do we have to reinterpret these characters, in an attempt to get to their heart? What about these characters and stories have such a hold on us?

Our Approach:

These are questions we seek to examine through creative and original essays that examine various movies, television programs, characters, storylines and eras.

What We’re Looking For:

Meaningful essays that critique, analyse, compare or shed light on interpretations, characters and individual stories. We want to hear from thoughtful fans and long-time Holmesians alike.


Fun, flirty, ranty, amusingly academic...we are looking for a variety of styles and formats. In the right circumstances any style and format may work, but query us first! (or be open to style and format changes in the revision process, if your essay is chosen) We want each essay to have its own flair and perspective.

However, even in the light of heavy criticism, or tongue-in-cheek humor, a love for the material being discussed should be present. No one wants to read an entire volume of vitriol and hate!

The Technical Details

Word count: 3000-5000 words. Exceptions made in the right circumstances.

Tone: Friendly but on the formal side. Exceptions made in the right circumstances.

It should be unique, enjoyable and accessible. We want this to be a book for both die-hard Holmesians, enthusiastic newcomers and the curious newby alike.

How Does One Get Involved With These Fine Collections?

We are accepting a first round of queries and well-thought-out essay ideas (or rough drafts, if you are so inspired) for both volumes until February 15, 2014. There may be other rounds of accepting queries  announced after this date.

How Do I Contact You? Where Do I Send My Fabulous Idea?

Tammy, Tara and Melissa can be reached at InvestigatingSherlockHolmes@gmail.com

-or- You can hit us up via various social networking sites, if you know us personally. We do not bite, unless you ask politely and sign a consent form.

See next page for essay coverage and ideas.

Ideas People Are Working On For Both Volumes:

Elementary: Sherlock Holmes grandma can understand

The Guy Richie Sherlock Holmes is the best ever

Mycroft through the ages

Interpretations of Mary Morstan

Sherlock Holmes in cartoons

Irene: a woman wronged by modern writers

Without A Clue: buddy cop dynamic and most canon Holmes

The Sherlock Holmes drinking game

Sherlock Holmes as seen in Star Trek: The Next Generation

The Asylum Holmes is the best Holmes

BBC Sherlock is an obvious ripoff of House

The uniqueness and oddities in the BBC Sherlock fandom

Margaret Colin and that other CBS modern Holmes adaptation

Some Holes In Our Collection

Sherlock Holmes, Baffled! (1900)

Silk Stocking-Rupert Everett Holmes

Matthew Frewer Sherlock Holmes

Russian interpretations of Sherlock Holmes

German interpretations of Sherlock Holmes

Brett Holmes

Ronald Howard Holmes

Sherlock Holmes as a guest character in other shows

Sherlock Holmes and the Baker Street Irregulars

Christopher Lee as Sherlock Holmes/the detective in retirement

Peter Cushing as Sherlock Holmes

Basil Rathbone

Ellie Norwood (1920s)

William Gillette

Interpretations of Watson through the ages

Modern interpretations of Watson

Anything else you don’t see represented here.

Additionally, we are very interested in any non-English language adaptations of Sherlock Holmes (Essay in English of course).

And again: we’re looking for character interpretations and analysis, comparisons between adaptations, looks at individual episodes/movies, looks at entire bodies of work (Rathbone, Howard, etc) and quirky, off-the-wall interpretations of already over-analysed material.

Looking for inspiration? Check out IMDB’s list of appearances of the character of Sherlock Holmes:


At this time we are only looking at movie and television interpretations of Sherlock Holmes. Future volumes may include web series, audio books, radio plays and pastiches.


To clear up a few things regarding the Sherlock Holmes media books:

There seems to be some confusion on the Sherlock Holmes books I've been talking about since, oh, the dawn of time.

1) I am still the lead on this project. Rumors that I have left the project are incorrect.

2) We have a new publisher for the project. At this time, we are attempting to nail down due dates in anticipation of publication.

3) It is meant to be two volumes: Volume 1 will deal with modern interpretations of Holmes in media, possibly 2000-present. This volume I will be editing with Melissa Beattie. Volume 2 will deal with 1900-2000 (Yes, I realize 14 years versus 100 is a bit unfair, but, well, there you have it.

4) Some essays have already been solicited. I have spoken to several people about due dates at Chicago Tardis, and with several people about other parties they know who may want to get in on the action. We are also querrying several individuals for interviews.

5) At some point in the near future we will be posting criteria for pitches or submissions. In the meantime, if you are a Sherlock Holmes aficionado, have feels about various movie or TV incarnations, and want to pitch an essay, or discuss anything with me, Tara or Melissa, feel free to contact us via investigatingsherlockholmes@gmail.com. The mail remains on the site so Tara and Melissa can check it, and it forwards to my own e-mail account so SOMEONE will get back to you in a timely manner.

So, there's the skinny. There are other details that I will be getting into later, such as some of the movies/tv/characters/stories that are already spoken for, and our exact criteria (which mostly involves being irreverent and fun while still being informative)

Hope I have cleared things up and put a rest to some of the rumor-mill business going around.



Do you have a Sherlock Holmes rant?

Come on, we all do. Well, we’d love to post them over athttp://investigatingsherlockholmes.tumblr.com

We have a submission form where you can copy and paste a rant that’s a reply to someone, or provide a link to your rant :)

No hate, no liable, no targeting specific sections of fandom (or if you do, do so kindly). But give us history related to Sherlock Holmes stories (I have a rant brewing about the bicycle in The Solitary Cyclist and how it changed the lives of women in the late 1800s). Or rant away about how much Sherlock Holmes is a bag of dicks in The Dying Detective. We’d love to see it all :)

And again, as news about the books develops, we will post it over at investigatingsherlockholmes.

We look forward to ranting with you :)


So, you want to write a Sherlock Holmes thing.

Ok, there's been endless shenanigans with Vol 1 and 2 of the Sherlock Holmes media books I am editing. So, I am reaching out, trying to get in touch with folks, and also see if there is anyone I missed. The books are  back on!  WEEE!

In case Tara, Melissa and I have NOT pestered you endlessly about this already: the books are going to be about various incarnations of Sherlock Holmes on screen. Movie, TV show, cartoon, Wishbone... you get the idea. It is not difinitive. It is not required to be scholarly. Just love and criticism and jokes and fun. A few essays already under consideration or accepted:
The Problem With Modern Irene, Game of Shadows is Just From Russia With Love But Watson is the Russian Chick, Mycrofts I Have Known and Loved, Nigel Bruce's Watson Obviously Has Dementia, BBC Sherlock is SUCH a Ripoff of House (I am SO proud that someone is writing this one, it is going to be epic)... you get the idea! We also will be taking scholarly as long as it's still got some punch and jazz. Also accepted: commentary on the shift in fan culture, old/new fans (are we singing camp songs together or yelling at the kids to get off our lawn?) and/or justification for how Ronald Howard's Holmes and Merriam Crawford's Watson were Totally Doing It.

1) If you pitched us something, and you sent it somewhere else, no worries! Pitch us something else, and we'll talk. Or we'll just talk, and come up with something clever and exciting.

2) If you pitched us something, or we talked to you, and you're still in, Let us know!

3) If you have not pitched anything, and want in, let us know! 

Thinking about whether or not to come to Chicago Tardis.

Now, a thing happened at Gally that I was not involved in. I do not condone what happened. I agreed with Robbie's response to the situation, and I still worry for the person involved because they were clearly traumatized. I'd like to in some way offer my concern and apologies, but I don't have contact with the person in question, and I really don't have a right to contact that person (nor do I want to traumatize them more)

I could talk about it in more detail from my family's side of things, though I am not sure anyone would really care about the end result of that thing happening, and where our family has gone from there. But I get the feeling no one really gives a crap about that. Mostly because NO ONE. Not a single person since this thing has happened has bothered to talk to me about my family's side of the situation, nor my own personal view of the situation. Again, I wasn't there when it happened. But, not a single person has spoken to me about it before making decisions about how to continue relating to me, or not.

Not even two hours passed and a lot of people dropped me from Facebook. People who I thought were friends. Many have since stopped talking to me. People I thought had been friends. People I was in the process of having business dealings with. One of them lied to me about why they did it, and the people involved in the business dealings lied about their situation as well (I can take rejection--I don't deal well with being lied to).

There are more who have not unfriended me on Facebook, but they no longer answer my e-mails. I had a two-book situation go up in smoke. It's tiring to ride this out. It's tiring not knowing who I can actually talk to or trust any more because I have the same last name as someone who perpetrated said situation at Gally.

I am not saying I am suffering more than the person who was the victim in the situation. I am not saying I condone or excuse what happened. I'm just saying... I'm emotionally exhausted. I've also had a lot of mental health issues going on. And honestly... I can only think of two people from Doctor Who fandom who have given a shit enough to give me a shoulder when I needed it over this thing, and other things happening in my life.

We know I can't read people. I can't read body language. Facial expressions nor subtext in online communication (or lack of communication).

So: my challenge to you for the sake of my own peace of mind, and to help me make the decision on whether to even attend Chicago Tardis or not:
1) If you no longer care to be my friend, please let me know. I know some of you who have  business dealings in the fandom probably no longer want your name associated with mine. Fine. Just let me know.
2) Would i even be welcome at Chicago Tardis? Do you, personally, prefer I stay home? Would you like me to just disappear?

Lastly... i am still disappointed that NO ONE ever bothered to speak to me before shoving me off to the side. No one bothered to say no, I can't have my name associated with yours, or hey, what do YOU know about this situation? How are things going down in YOUR household because of it? I feel alienated. And perhaps I don't deserve to feel like the fandom gives a shit about me. Because, really. Let's face it. My 15 minutes of popularity are over.


True Librarian Story

Ok. So I have this fascination with the Lost and Found box. Every place I have ever worked, I have been fascinated with it. Sometimes, I will go through it for entertainment. I am amazed by what people leave behind. A million pairs of sunglasses, CDs, flash drives, car keys.

The car keys thing always gets me. I have never worked in a place where there wasn’t at least one set of car keys in the lost and found. HOW DID YOU GET HOME!?? I have the same bewildered amusement toward things left in the scanner—birth certificates, military orders, hundred-year-old family photos. You name it, it’s probably been left at a library at some point.

I also have a fondness for the winter coats that get left behind. Ok, maybe it was warmer when you left than when you started out. But at some point along the way didn’t you wonder… hey. When’s the last time I had my $200 Steelers Starter jacket?

Sometimes there are greeting cards. One was a Transformers card with Optimus Prime on the cover with a lovely “missing you" note on the inside to a service member spouse. Or children’s toys. I get a little sad for the child who has lost their favorite stuffy. But I am really sad when a parent comes in and asks if we have a stuffed animal, and it isn’t in lost and found. You know there’s a child who will shortly be inconsolable with grief for a lost friend.

Then there are the bits and bobs. Pens that end up getting recycled. Barrettes and hair clips that never leave the bottom of the box. Weird connectors for devices you have never seen. And a pocket U.S. Constitution. There always seems to be one of those.

And the thing about those sunglasses and car keys and even coffee mugs and water bottles filled with liquid is that they always seem to stay there. They never go away. They accumulate. They eventually get tossed after six months or a year. Some end up at Goodwill. But no one comes back for them. They’re forgotten. They’re lost, we find them, but they’re never claimed. They never get to go home. Well, some find new homes. Any USB stick over 8 gig is fair game after a whole year of being in the Drawer of Flash Drives That Time Forgot. I once got a really cool pen that way. But… most items left at the library never go home.

Maybe I search through the Lost and Found not so much out of curiosity (though there is still that), but to visit the items relegated to that Island of Misfit Toys. To spread a little bit of attention onto those once beloved things that are now lost and forgotten. Or worse: lost and replaced.

I may be anthropomorphising. No, I know I am. But how depressing must it be, to be those car keys? You were once shiny and new. Someone never left the house without you. They showed off your automatic starter button with prideful glee. And then they left you at a public computer. And after two days of searching for you in the bottom of a bag, they spent $200 to have a new key and dongle made, and then they went on with their lives, no longer mindful of where you ended up.

Some people cared too little for the things that ended up in Lost and Found. I seem to care too much.


I forgot to mention last night....

I blame it being after midnight. But I did really intend to say this:

I am grateful to all the kindness I have been shown by friends in the last year and a half. Truly. You will never know how much. And I really hope I am in a better position shortly so that I can pay it forward to someone else who is having a rough time. You guys have been amazing and you have kept me sane sometimes.

Fic: Advanced Surveillance -or- Erotic Lock Picking (BBC Sherlock 1/1)

I'd be ashamed... but I'm not. Blatant sherlolly with weirdly confusing hints of johnlock. 

This is the Sherlolly fic I have been teasing with all night. Sherlock needs a date for a party. Fun times ensue


He took one look at Sherlock, and the phone nearly fell out of his hand. “Oh. My. God.”

“Not a word, John,” Sherlock warned in an exhausted, quiet voice.

So John Watson did the only sensible thing one could do. He raised his phone and quickly took a picture of the disheveled detective

Inspired by this photoset by Petra Todd http://petratodd.tumblr.com/post/41767744568/sherlock-asks-molly-to-accompany-him-to-a-party

The walk of shame may be involved.